I'm staring out into that vaccum again 

From the back porch of my mind

The only thing thats alive

I'm all there is



And I start attacking my vodka, stab the ice with my straw

My eyes have turned red as stoplights, you seem ready to walk

You know I'll call you eventually, when I wanna talk 

'Til then you're invisible. 



'Cause theres a switch that gets hit and it all stops making sense 

And in the middle of drinks, maybe the fifth or the sixth

I'm completely alone at a table of friends

I feel nothing for them. I feel nothing, nothing



Well, I need a break from the city again 

I think I'll ship myself back west 

I got a friend there, she says, "hey, any time." 

Unless that offers expired, I have been less than frequent 

she's under no obligation to indulge every whim 

And I'm so ungrateful, I take, she gives and forgives

And I keep forgetting it



And each morning she wakes with a dream to describe

Something lovely that bloomed in her beautiful mind

I said "I'll trade you one for two nightmares of mine

I have some where I die, I have some where we all die." 



I'm thinking of quitting drinking again

I know i said that a couple times

And I'm always changing my mind, well, i guess i am

But theres this burn in my stomach and theres this pain in my side 

And when I kneel at the toilet

And the mornings clean light pours in through the window 

Sometimes I pray I don't die 

I'm a goddamn hypocrite 



But the night rolls around and it all starts making sense 

There is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live

And so I do what I do and at least I exist

What could mean more than this? 

What would mean more? 

Mean more? 

ohhhh