The greatest magicians have something to learn

From Mr. Mistoffolees conjuring turn


Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were a notorious couple of cats

As knockabout clowns, quick change comedians

Tight-rope walkers and acrobats

They had an extensive reputation

Made their home in Victoria Grove

That was merely their center of operation

For they were incurable given to rove


If the area window was found ajar

And the basement looked like a field of war

If a tile or two came loose on the roof

Which presently ceased to be waterproof

If the drawers were pulled out from bedroom chests

And you couldn't find one of your winter vests

Or after supper one of the girls

Suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls


Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat!

It was Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer!"

And most of the time they left it at that


Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had an unusual gift of gab

They were highly efficient cat burgulars

As well and remarkably smart at a smash and grab

They made their home in Victoria Grove

They had no regular occupation

They were plausible fellows who liked to engage

A friendly policeman in conversation


When the family assembled for Sunday dinner

Their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner on

Argentine joint, potatoes and greens

Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes

And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow

"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow

The joint has gone from the oven like that!"


Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat!

It was Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer!"

And most of the time they left it at that


Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had a wonderful way

Of working together

And some of the time you would say it was luck

And some of the time you would say it was weather

They'd go through the house like a hurricane

And no sober person could take his oath

Was it Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer?

Or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?

When you heard a dining room smash

Or up from the pantry there came a loud crash

Or down from the library came a loud ping

From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming

Then the family would say: "Now which was which cat?

It was Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer

And there's nothing at all to be done about that!"


Macavity